As a boy

As a boy,
I was happy.
I made friends with Saskia, and loved her for a long time.

As a boy,
I went to school.
I collected ladybirds, and bossed my peers around.

As a boy,
I used my imagination.
Saskia, Tara, and I thwarted the plans of the evil, invisible monsters called Men.

As a boy,
I liked adults.
I spent lunchtimes helping to count the Sainsburys Active Kids vouchers. 

As a boy,
I played football. 
I supported Manchester United because my brother did, and then Tottenham Hotspurs because Leo did.

As a boy,
I did well in school.
I was the third best at maths in my class, after Robert and Tara.

As a boy,
I went to secondary school.
I got the bus every day with Nadia, despite cruelty from other boys about our friendship.

As a boy,
I went to summer camp.
I was looked after by young adults, and loved by my new friends.

As a boy,
I was miserable. 
I isolated myself, and hated my emotions for how they hurt me.

As a boy,
I fought with my mum.
We hurt each other, because we were both hurting so much already.

As a boy,
I finished school.
My shirt was signed by more teachers than students.

As a man,
I learned independence.
I looked after myself, joined a community, and supported others.
I understood computers, and taught them to others who wanted to learn. 
I was a youth worker, a system administrator, a projectionist, a boyfriend.

As a man,
I worked to feel my emotions again.
I travelled, worked, volunteered, loved, and settled.
I kept going to therapy, and I watched as my friends changed.
I learnt who I feel best as.
I separated what I want from what I feel I should want.
I discovered fear, insecurity, and joy.
I found meaning in work and local community.

As a man,
I want to be happy.

— ML