Job done

I am in the final week of work. I struggle with motivation - it's hard to stay engaged when I have so much resentment around how things turned out. I don't want to leave, but I am too unhappy to stay.

I've learnt a lot here. Technically, Terraform, Kubernetes, Kafka, Vault. Otherwise, management (up and down), mentorship, product communications, prioritisation, the cost of complexity.

I've also picked up some extra cynicism. A frustration in a previous job was the extent to which I felt like we were chasing money. I wanted a role where financial success was at least not the primary purpose of the organisation. That's not to say I want to work somewhere financially unsuccessful, but that I treat the financial system as a means to achieve goals, not as a goal in itself.

I had thought that I had found that with this company, and it's possible that that was the case when I joined, and before. Delays to profitability caused finances to grow as a priority, to the point of overshadowing all other objectives.

It feels necessary to state that I understand and appreciate the importance of profitability to a for-profit company, especially one transitioning from start up to scale up and needing to escape a reliance on venture capitalist funding.

But at what cost? If everything which carried the company to a point of attempting profitability is abandoned in an attempt to conform to an investor's idea of success, is it worth it?

I like to think I've reached the acceptance stage of my grief process, mourning what was once an exciting, enjoyable, and fulfilling aspect of my life. The fact that I'm writing this suggests otherwise.

In all likelihood, these feelings will quickly fade once I finish my notice period, but I'm left wondering: does the type of organisation I idealize exist?

Is it possible to leverage the desire for personal wealth to achieve altruistic goals?

— ML